Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize