this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
