her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
