Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
