The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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