Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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