Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
