oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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