I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
