question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
