My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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