my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
