i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
