i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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