the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
