I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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