i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
