Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
