How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
