Yo dont text me then not text me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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