are you still at the devil's house?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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