I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Soap is not a condiment
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is the high leading the old right now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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