i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
