She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
