Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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