hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thus making me awesome and them whores
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize