im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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