too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
