Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize