What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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