Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
