Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
