So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
