i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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