We won't sleep together?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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