the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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