Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
