i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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