She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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