Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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