That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
