You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
