Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
