I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
