We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
