I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
