Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
