I'm lost and stupid without you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
