ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
