I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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