I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
