Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
