You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
