i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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