What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
