You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
