so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
