i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
