nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
50% drunk capacity currently
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize