I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
