Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
