I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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