Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
