you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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