unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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