too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
