Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
